My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
