3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just pee around me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
