He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
