the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize