I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
