I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
