What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize