guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
