I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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