I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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