So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
