My sheets look like a crime scene.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
