So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
