how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
