He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
