Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
