Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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