I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize