He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize