Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
