Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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