you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
