Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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