Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
