its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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