I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
