holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
