i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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