hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
