walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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