We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
