She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
