You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
