You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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