I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
