Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
