Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
