and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
