hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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