please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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