Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
