My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You were trust falling into bushes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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