I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
