The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
