my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
