this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
