brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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