I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
