IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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