Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
