I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
