This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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