wat bout pragnant strippers??
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
