On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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