matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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