Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
