Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
