am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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