Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize