And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize