you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
