The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
there's paper in my vomit.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
