somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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