So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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