anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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