Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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