why didn't you poke me back
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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